My (Nearly Stupidly Easy) 2-Step Methodology To “Feeling Higher” 

Rising up Mormon, you put on a CTR ring – a continuing reminder to “Select The Proper”. As an grownup non-Mormon, I really actually love this idea – simply not with affiliation with any faith and even morality. CTR is the Mormon model of WWJD, which I additionally like – an emblem that reminds you to make good selections. However right this moment I’m not speaking about selecting “good” over “dangerous,” it’s selecting what makes me really feel higher after I’m caught in a meh or unhappy temper (lengthy darkish moist winters listed below are difficult). Final April, I learn one thing that was fairly life-altering (and nearly silly in its simplicity). It was by a well-known happiness psychologist (sorry, I overlook who) who outlined their “key to feeling pleased”. Pay attention, I’m cautious like most individuals about privileged gurus telling others how they need to be happier (*cough* myself included), however each every now and then a nugget actually hits, after which as a compulsive sharer I need to let you know. You see after I’m careworn, unhappy or in a destructive loop, I can simply address not the healthiest issues (french fries, wine, chocolate, holing myself up in the dead of night binging Love is Blind, avoiding everybody and all the things, procrastinating within the identify of “self care,” blah blah) and generally these are completely superb however these nearly by no means contribute to me feeling higher. And I do know it. After which I get so mad at myself for not making a more sensible choice, and thus the loop begins. It’s not all the time simple or pure for me; I’ve to power it, however after I do, it has all the time labored.

Right here it’s (don’t snort): Step 1: Determine the issues that make you are feeling good, after which, Step 2: Do them as usually as attainable. 

It sounds nearly too simple. Now clearly there are a ton of issues out of our management that deeply have an effect on our particular person “happiness” (together with, you already know, societal methods of oppression, well being/marriage/cash issues, day by day risks, childhood trauma, psychological well being, power illness/ache, the patriarchy) so this isn’t meant to repair any of these – it’s nearly what now we have in our energy to manage which is our perspective and temper. Coincidentally, I’m positive in a greater place to sort out any bigger issues or assume greater after I’m in a extra constructive temper. Once I began doing this 2-step strategy six months in the past, it completely shifted my day (and life) rather a lot, and this subsequent yr I need to make a aware effort to do it extra (November/December is all the time a bit slippery for me, so it’s so good to be again at it).

Now, we will all simply checklist stuff we “love to do,” stuff that’s “enjoyable” for us, and even our “favourite” issues to do, however this checklist is completely different. It’s much less “bottomless mimosa brunch” (which is okay!) and extra about what makes you are feeling actually good about your self, each throughout and extra importantly after you’ve accomplished it. And the hope is that these little micro “items” can add as much as a greater day (after which life). 

So within the identify of web self-indulgence, I figured I’d checklist mine for you: 

1. Lengthy walks: with the pups, with children, with shut buddies, or Brian speaking via all issues or just with an ideal podcast – weighted or not, nature or road. JUST WALK.
2. Partaking my children by doing one thing they need to do: Doing a craft with Elliot and taking part in chess with Charlie (and no, I don’t all the time really feel prefer it, nevertheless it all the time feels good after).
3. “Connecting” with Brian
4. Any date evening dialog the place we don’t discuss logistics (which helps with #3)
5. Making and consuming a wholesome soup or any Sunday meal prep (I’m all the time so pleased with myself! And my week goes so significantly better) – all the time accomplished with a podcast if children aren’t serving to. And so fulfilling.
6. Cleansing or organizing whereas listening to a gripping podcast (Can this be thought of a “interest”? However sure, I additionally use this to keep away from different issues, so I’ve to watch out right here…)
7. Weeknight TV exhibits snuggled with my household: Watching one thing that all of us love equally. Easy shared experiences with lots of bodily contact (proper now it’s previous seasons of Survivor – we’re addicted!). No telephones. No scrolling. A lot of snuggles.
8. Any train (duh): However doesn’t must be Orange Principle (which works however oof). I really like yoga, pilates, or my Peloton (particularly with Cody or Sam Yo), a fast HIIT coaching, or lifting weights with a podcast. 20 minutes does WONDERS.
9. Fast enjoyable room makeovers for my family and friends (my fantasy job – such a win/win).
10. Chilly plunging or sauna blanket (sorry, I nonetheless find it irresistible – all the time boosts my temper).
11. Any time in nature: Climbing, cross nation, observing waterfalls, simply sitting amongst bushes. Seems I want bushes to thrive, rain or shine.
12. Studying in mattress with Charlie or “Lady discuss” with Elliot: Really easy to only put them to mattress, however once we make the time to go up early and join all our nervous methods relax, and it’s an enormous love fest. 
13. Having “the exhausting dialog” (which can be really easy to place off however you are feeling so good afterwards – JUST DO IT!!!)
14. Serving to others: Adorning for individuals who want the assistance (in all probability my favourite a part of my job, win/win). Hoping to do much more this yr (together with readers and extra people struggling).
15. Main workforce conferences with readability and group as a result of I used to be ready (really easy for me to assume I can wing it or that we’re only a well-oiled machine that doesn’t want tending to).
16. Group retreats! (See above!) All of us really feel so excited and dedicated after a number of days collectively.
17. Fast household recreation after dinner (generally it seems like a lot work TBH, however we by no means remorse it).
18. Studying weblog feedback and responding (I really feel so linked to you and my profession extra, I really feel extra a part of this group, I’m reminded why I really like being right here, and really feel so grateful immediately).
19. Having my household over for an enormous, enjoyable meal (all the time chaotic, all the time enjoyable): The six cousins collectively are so heartwarming – one thing we by no means had rising up.
20. Dancing (why don’t I do that extra???)
21. Listening to musicals on full blast and singing tremendous loud.
22. Journaling (with a heavy gratefulness apply – it completely shifts my day). 
23. Romance novels (or any gripping novel): additionally helps with #3. My recs HERE.
24. Studying or listening to something by Brenne Brown, Esther Perel or Adam Grant – my heroes: I all the time really feel empowered, seen, and simply extra able to sort out my private challenges after spending time with them.
25. Household canine walks (children will complain, and but now we have one of the best conversations).
26. Sizzling tub with face/hair masks, natural tea or espresso (wet weekend mornings are one of the best, additionally helps with #3). Sizzling water releases oxytocin (I feel the entire above do, really).

It’s actually a very enjoyable train to checklist all of them (and I additionally printed them out for my day by day reference). Positive, a lot of these items I take pleasure in or don’t thoughts, however more often than not it’s concerning the good emotions that come afterwards – the dopamine, oxytocin, or simply pleasure that I checked the field and made a good selection. Wanting on the checklist, it’s clear that “connecting” is my car in direction of feeling “higher”. I really feel probably the most “good” after I join with my children, my husband, my buddies, my workforce, my pets, my household, my dwelling, my well being/physique, and YOU. This stuff don’t deplete me; they only fill me up. If I do know all of this, then why do I put them off? Why do I not bake 2-3 of those into my day on daily basis??? They’re all free, and lots of don’t require greater than 20 minutes!

Truly doing them is commonly the barrier, proper? And it’s not about “discovering” the time, I do know I’ve to carve it out. I’ve to get out of my seat and off my telephone. So final yr I began implementing Mel Robbins’ “Rocket” 5,4,3,2,1 methodology to really get myself to do any of the above issues every day. Now, TBH, I’m not an enormous Mel fan (I don’t at present join together with her “robust love” borderline know-it-all character, however I can take a few of what she says and implement it in my very own approach), however boy does this work for me. You simply cease laying aside the factor you already know it is best to do and rely down like a rocket ship announcer, out loud, “FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!” and also you MUST, like a rocket, get out of your chair and go do it. It’s so silly! And but it really works! Brian has caught me a number of instances chanting it to myself at my desk, then getting on my exercise garments and forcing a 20-minute Peloton. After which, you guessed it, I really feel higher. 

So my New 12 months’s decision is to do extra of the above (which has been fairly derailed since Thanksgiving). Select connection and well being over depletion, Okay, Emily? As an alternative of drinks with buddies, provide a stroll with buddies. As an alternative of indulging in a actuality present stuffed with poisonous women screaming at one another, get within the tub with a romance novel, then join with Brian. No extra end-of-night doom scrolling, evaluating your self to others, simply cozy up with a e book.

Determine what makes you are feeling good, and do it as usually as attainable.

I do know that for me, this works. I’ve examined it so many instances – and each time I really feel higher. No actual issues can be solved, however I’m in a position to transfer via it feeling a lot happier. Life can really feel so heavy proper now, and now we have such little management. Letting the SAD overtake us helps nobody (each seasonal in addition to simply the overall existential anxious feeling that may simply permeate us all if we let it).

I’d love, love, love to listen to what the easy issues are that make you are feeling good inside, what lifts you if you really feel a bit down (or should you simply need to really feel EVEN higher). Perhaps for a few of you it could be going out to dinner to a brand new place, heading to a museum and observing artwork, doing a DIY whereas listening to music, or a weekend away from town. Perhaps it’s meditation and prayer. Perhaps it’s simply lengthy canine snuggles in the midst of the day. Depart them within the remark part, and it will possibly turn out to be an enormous repository, a list of “good issues” for any of us once we want a brand new concept or a lift to really feel higher. Let’s hear it (and thanks a lot for listening). Cheers to 2026 🙂

Opening Picture Credit score: Picture by Kailtin Inexperienced